Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Local Snookie.........................

My friend Dave and I get together every Sunday afternoon for lunch, conversation, a bit of media gossip and to people watch. On this particular Sunday we chose a watering hole in a trendy suburb for our feast and cocktails. I just knew it was going to be particularly entertaining. I chose to sit on the upper deck of the building. Just as I sat down, the winds kicked up, the temperature dropped and it clouded up… a great breeze and a storm on the horizon. Perfect weather for the deck. I soon get a text from Dave: where r u woman? I responded ‘I’m here on the deck” and he said ‘So am I” to which I replied “no ur not” so it goes back and forth till finally my waitress volunteers to go downstairs to retrieve him. Geez!!!

We decided we would drink beer and watch the storm roll in and of course being media people…track it on TV radar via our cell phones. There is a storm cell headed directly for us but it doesn’t look strong enough to hold together. We order, watch and wait….dun dun dah.
Right in the middle of catching up these three twenty something girls show up and grab a table about 30 feet from us. OMG this might be good……or really bad……. Or both at the same time!!!

So Dave and I settle in. Next thing ya know we have the local version of Snookie on our hands. The crassness, the sadness, the please for the love of god pay attention to me-ness. Dave nicknames them the blow job girls. I ask him why and he says anyone that is that loud and is wanting that much attention clearly has daddy issues and girls that need that much attention usually will have a high number of blow jobs under their belt because of lack of self esteem. Huh…well there you have it. I have to admit he might be spot on about this girl.

So we eat our food and listen in….. The loud pay attention to me girl I have named “Local Snookie” is so loud that we can hear every word. Says “I have no idea but the only thing left was scotch so that must have been what I was drinking”…..nice. Now she starts on this whole diatribe about how much she drank. Which of course Dave goes……see……. 3 bj’s in one night.

Then of course he dares me to use my Magic 8 Ball phone app. He says “ I dare you to go ask her how many blow jobs she has given. And I am going OMG…. Not cool but I will ask….. Magic 8 Ball….. Shall I confront “local Snookie” regarding her BJ experience?

Shakey………….. Shakey…………..
Shakey…………..and the Answer is: Cannot Predict Now. Oh thank God……. I was not looking forward to getting into a fight with the loud mouth twenty somethings.Thank You Magic 8 Ball.

Dave and I proceed to tell the story to our waitress. Who proceeds to tell all the other waitresses and they start laughing….because they were thinking the same thing and couldn’t wait for them to leave.

On the way home, I tune into the local comedian network. The comedian, I never got his name, is talking about local girls who go to the local neighborhood bars and take pictures of themselves and their girlfriends drinking beer like they are on spring break in Mexico. All the while talking loud and being completely obnoxious. Which makes me think this comedian is somewhere on this deck as we speak. I feel sorry for “Local Snookie” but it was pretty damn good Sunday fodder.