Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Local Snookie.........................

My friend Dave and I get together every Sunday afternoon for lunch, conversation, a bit of media gossip and to people watch. On this particular Sunday we chose a watering hole in a trendy suburb for our feast and cocktails. I just knew it was going to be particularly entertaining. I chose to sit on the upper deck of the building. Just as I sat down, the winds kicked up, the temperature dropped and it clouded up… a great breeze and a storm on the horizon. Perfect weather for the deck. I soon get a text from Dave: where r u woman? I responded ‘I’m here on the deck” and he said ‘So am I” to which I replied “no ur not” so it goes back and forth till finally my waitress volunteers to go downstairs to retrieve him. Geez!!!

We decided we would drink beer and watch the storm roll in and of course being media people…track it on TV radar via our cell phones. There is a storm cell headed directly for us but it doesn’t look strong enough to hold together. We order, watch and wait….dun dun dah.
Right in the middle of catching up these three twenty something girls show up and grab a table about 30 feet from us. OMG this might be good……or really bad……. Or both at the same time!!!

So Dave and I settle in. Next thing ya know we have the local version of Snookie on our hands. The crassness, the sadness, the please for the love of god pay attention to me-ness. Dave nicknames them the blow job girls. I ask him why and he says anyone that is that loud and is wanting that much attention clearly has daddy issues and girls that need that much attention usually will have a high number of blow jobs under their belt because of lack of self esteem. Huh…well there you have it. I have to admit he might be spot on about this girl.

So we eat our food and listen in….. The loud pay attention to me girl I have named “Local Snookie” is so loud that we can hear every word. Says “I have no idea but the only thing left was scotch so that must have been what I was drinking”…..nice. Now she starts on this whole diatribe about how much she drank. Which of course Dave goes……see……. 3 bj’s in one night.

Then of course he dares me to use my Magic 8 Ball phone app. He says “ I dare you to go ask her how many blow jobs she has given. And I am going OMG…. Not cool but I will ask….. Magic 8 Ball….. Shall I confront “local Snookie” regarding her BJ experience?

Shakey………….. Shakey…………..
Shakey…………..and the Answer is: Cannot Predict Now. Oh thank God……. I was not looking forward to getting into a fight with the loud mouth twenty somethings.Thank You Magic 8 Ball.

Dave and I proceed to tell the story to our waitress. Who proceeds to tell all the other waitresses and they start laughing….because they were thinking the same thing and couldn’t wait for them to leave.

On the way home, I tune into the local comedian network. The comedian, I never got his name, is talking about local girls who go to the local neighborhood bars and take pictures of themselves and their girlfriends drinking beer like they are on spring break in Mexico. All the while talking loud and being completely obnoxious. Which makes me think this comedian is somewhere on this deck as we speak. I feel sorry for “Local Snookie” but it was pretty damn good Sunday fodder.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Soul Food and Then Some..........

Every year the radio station that I used to work for hosts a Soul Food festival. This year the main act on the bill is George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelics. My best friend is a George Clinton fanatic and because of her I have seen him so many times I have stopped counting. It is a yearly event. So I guess I should put this one up to the Magic 8 Ball. Magic 8 Ball should I go to the Soul Food Festival and See George Clinton? Shakey……… Shakey………. Shakey……. And the answer is: YES. Well that was pretty decisive. I guess I’ll be going. Will just have to make myself steer clear of the soul food. So off I got to the festival. Turns out to be a good decision all the old staff who worked at the station in 2004 decided to show up so we had a mini reunion!!! The show was very good with the highlight for me being the Dazz band. I love that band and never had the pleasure of seeing them live. They did a great job and so did the Bar Kays…a personal favorite since they recorded on my favorite label Stax Records. George Clinton took the stage and the band did their famous funkiness. Sir Nose was in rare form. The night was so much fun and it was so good to spend time with old friends.

Ain’t nothin’ but a jam y’all…

Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Mustard Incident.........

You have to love it. You just have to love it. Today is a day full of meetings at work. Usually during the summer I let my hair go au naturelle. I just get out of the shower scrunch it a bit and let the wavy curls take over. In fact I go to work with a wet head and let it dry over the first 20 minutes. But today was the exception. I am not sure why. I actually took the time to blow dry my hair straight. And normally its jeans and a t-shirt but today I decided to dress up a bit. I grabbed a hoodie just in case it got a bit to cold at my desk and I needed something to stay warm.

So I get to work get checked in and head off to the cafeteria for my morning Starbucks doubleshot and my smoked sausage link with mustard. While dispensing the mustard from the container it ends up everywhere except on my sausage. In other words all down the front of me. Are you kidding me???? I am now covered in mustard and look like a human hot dog bun!!! And I have meetings today!!!!!! Uck a doodle doo!!!!

Options. I need options. And Thank God for grabbing the hoodie when I left the apartment so I can throw that on and cover up the huge mustard stain that spans my entire stomach and chest area. But I smell like mustard! Hmmmmm..... I could run home for an early lunch and change clothes and I could see if the boyfriend would meet me and then and we could grab some afternoon delight! Sounds like a plan....... If the Magic 8 Ball approves of it.

Magic 8 Ball should I go home and change clothes and grab some afternoon delight? Magic 8 Ball says: YES
Now that's the kinda answer I likey!