Monday, September 12, 2011

To Poop Or Not To Poop........

Ok so here’s the thing… I was out with a bunch of my girlfriends for happy hour and the subject came up about pooping in public restrooms including restrooms at work. Who knew everyone has issues with this. I mean everyone has an issue with this. None of my girlfriends can do this. I have to say I am shocked by how many women have issues with this.

I too hate using public restrooms. Especially at work. But the ones at work are the worst for a couple of major reasons. First there is the smell……. It smells like someone pooped even if no one has been in there for two hours. Secondly, they have automatic flushers on all the toilets. Now did I mention I hate using public restrooms?

I also have a thing about going number 2 in a public place. I mean it I really have a thing about it. I admit it. And I thought I was the only one who had this and that I was just weird until I talked about it with the happy hour crew. So to even try to work up the courage to do it ….well…’s the stuff that psychotherapy sessions are made of. Ok…no judgments here people…. everyone has their hang ups.

Since this is an issue for me I decided it was the perfect candidate for my Magic 8 Ball life. I will ask the Magic 8 Ball. Magic 8 Ball shall I try to get over my issue of pooping in a public restroom? Shakey………. Shakey………. Shakey………. And the answer is: It Is Decidedly So.
Well crap!!!! That was not the answer I was hoping for. So not happy about this. The Experiment shall begin next week.

Well crap…….here we are and take a crap I must try to do in a public place. I freaking hate this blog right now!!!! Ok…. Off I go to settle in to the bathroom…..I Pick the nicest stall and there is no one in here…Thank God…….. so I try to relax and then the automatic toilets start talking to themselves….WTF…I mean really……. Are you kidding me? The toilets are talking to each other????? Beep Beep Beep….on down the line….well crap……literally…not gonna happen. What I want to know is what are these toilets saying to each other? Hey toilet number 2 the girl in number 5 can’t poop in public let’s mess with her. So I guess I will leave this experiment to my female companions who don’t have automatic flushing toilets. Still look with suspicion to all automatic toilets no matter where they are. What exactly are they saying to each other…..’’Hey check out the chick in stall number 3 she has polka dot underwear’……Seriously.......