DEAR HALLS COUGH DROPS I DON'T WANT A PEP TALK WHEN I'M SICK.

I have had an awful summer cold for about 10 days now. It started as a little tickle in my throat and then a stuffed up nose. Eventually it has worked its way to my chest. Now the biggest symptom is a cough so furious that my stomach muscles and back muscles are so sore from coughing that I can barely move.  In order to keep the cough a little suppressed I took myself to the local CVS drug store to buy some cough drops. There were many brands to choose from but I grabbed a big bag of Halls Cherry Cough drops.

I finally feel good enough to go to work but I still have my cough. So I load myself up with my Halls cough drops and schlep into work. As the day goes on I realize I have a pile of cough drop wrappers just then a colleague of mine comes to my cubicle. She joyously points out all the positive messages on the wrappers. I ask her what on earth she is talking about. So she shows me the wrappers with these positive messages on them.

I must tell you…. While sitting there coughing and feeling like a pile of poo it just hit me wrong. Totally pissed me off. The last thing I need when I am sick is some one telling me buck up I can do it.  Here are just a few of the “pep” talks they have on each wrapper. 

Be resilient.

Be unstoppable.

Put your game face on.

Let's hear your battle cry.

Dust off and get up.

Don't waste a precious minute.

Take charge and mean it.

Don't try harder. Do harder!

Put a little strut in it.

Flex your "can do" muscle.

Tough is your middle name.

March forward!
It's yours for the taking.

Get back in there champ!

Go for it.

Get through it.

Seize the day
 
You can do it and you know it.

The show must go on. 

Don't give up on yourself.

Nothing you can't handle.

Power through.

Push on.

And the last….. and to me by far the worst Turn "can do" into "can did!"

Makes ya just want to scream a big ole “F You” to the marketing genius that decided that sick people should be encourage to work harder and faster when really we should probably still be at home in bed so we aren’t spreading our germs to other people. I can tell you that thanks to these lovely marketing people the Halls Couch drop company has lost a customer. I’m sorry but that is the last crap I want to read when I feel like death warmed over. I have been a Halls cough drop customer since they hit the market but I am now officially banning Halls cough drops from my home. My family will now only be using Ricola cough drops from here on out.

I do understand that some folks will think these messages are great but I’m also sure that many will find it as irritating as I do and will make a decision to no longer purchase Halls products. For Halls there are two remaining questions.

1. Did the pep talks marketing concept increase sales?

2. Did the pep talk marketing concept cause them to loose sales?

Let’s put the question to the MAGIC 8 BALL.

Magic 8 Ball Did the pep talk in every drop campaign cost Halls  market share by irritating lots of sick people?

SHAKEY………… SHAKEY…….. SHAKEY…………

And the answer is:  IT IS CERTAIN. 

DR. PHIL IS A PILL THAT YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T TAKE.............

I have had a few days off work and it was much needed rest. On a few of those days I happened to be home when Dr. Phil came on the ole TV.  I have never really thought much about Dr. Phil and his good ole boy approach to dealing with problems. On this day though my view point changed. Perhaps I am now in a different spiritual place than I have been before but on this occasion I found his ways to be demeaning and way to authoritative for me.

I have never noticed before how judgemental he is. It is either his way or the highway. News flash Dr. Phil..... even on a highway there are lots of entrance ramps and exit ramps and all sorta of different places to go and see that might not be the same as yours. Now I am not talking about the obvious here. The people who are doing crack and destroying their lives. But who is to say that a woman who had no relationships and no sex while she was raising her child cannot enjoy the company of younger men after her son is grown and out of the house. If she is into younger men so what. No one calls and old man out when he dates someone 30 years younger than him. Oh No..... the response they get is "way to go" and a slap on the back.

So for Dr. Phil to criticize and demean a woman who likes younger men, even if they are 25 years younger than her, that is her choice and as long as they are legal then I don't see what is wrong with it. What IS wrong with it is using the woman as a subject to belittle and demean for an hour for the sake of his TV show. Like I said before I have never really found fault with Dr. Phil until now but Good Lord I found myself shaking my head and thinking what piece of work he is....... while changing channels. I know I have changed and I think the world has changed too. I think Dr. Phil is a pill that no one needs to take. But as always I must ask the Magic 8 ball . Magic 8 Ball has Dr. Phil's tactics of criticising and demeaning guests gone out of favor with the educated American public? Shakey........... Shakey.......... Shakey............  And the answer is : As I See It Yes.

Well there you have it.

Just A Little Pissed.......

I have not written on this blog in a very long time.  A couple of friends recently commented that they missed it and found it to be quite humorous. In reading through the blog posts last March my own take  was that yes, sometimes it was in fact funny but the glaring hard core fact that I could not run away from was how ANGRY all the posts really were.

The thing is I have never considered myself an angry person but there I was…. staring at my own angry words. I was mortified…..So I stopped blogging. I gave myself some time to sit with the fact that I was an angry person. This was rather devastating to me because most people that know me would not use the word angry in relation to me. Nor would I. But there I was……in my own words. Me…the woman, who for the last 26 years, has had spirituality as her obsessive past time. Me…Miss Namaste…the yoga instructor…..who deep down is just full on pissed off. Mortified I tell ya, completely mortified.

Because I was having such a hard time struggling with the fact that I was pissed off deep down inside, my friend Wendy turned me on to this Buddhist Monk that was totally pissed off too. He helped me understand that anger too is part of spiritual awakening. Well thank GOD. Here is a link to the article about The Angry Monk.

 So I decided it would be okay to embrace my anger as it may be teaching me something and working with it may help to diminish it. So I am back and hopefully I can learn something from it and maybe you can too. What do they say…awareness is the first step? So hopefully I can learn to be less angry but still funny and heal whatever is inside me that I am so pissed about. But the blog is about living my life based on answers from a Magic 8 Ball. I will still utilize the Magic 8 Ball only I think it might make a good gauge as to my anger levels. So for now that is how I will access my anger levels. So glad you are along for the ride. Namaste Bitches!!! Just kidding…well….Sorta.

The Skin Crawls

Today is February 1st 2012. I know that I am dreading the months ahead like most all Americans because this is an election year. The thought of having to stomach the never ending negative campaigns is enough to make you want to throw your TV out the window or at least have your own personal “Network” moment. For those of you too young to remember the movie “Network”……...rent it on Netflix.


My personal opinion is that we should take a page from American Idol and have a show where people get to audition to be a candidate. We go thru the exact same process and ultimately it goes down to the American people ….whoever is left standing becomes a candidate. It can’t be worse than the crop we have right now.

I should also tell you that I am a registered Independent. I have no party affiliation…. I don’t necessarily agree with the politics of either the democrats or the republicans. I will also be the first to tell you that I despise politics. No…. I effing hate it. I hate it in the work place and in the state house, the congress, the senate and the White House. MY motto I take from Rodney King after he had the shit beat out of him in the streets of L.A. when he said “Can’t we all just get along.” I mean really…….is it that hard?

Ok so here’s the thing……………Mitt Romney makes my skin crawl. Seriously…..I don’t know why……… but he makes my skin crawl and from being on this planet for far too many years than I will admit to…I know one thing. When I get the skin crawl feeling….even if I don’t know why…. There is ALWAYS a very good reason and on this I am never wrong. So please stupid people…my gut is telling me he is a very very bad dude…admittedly I have no idea why I am reacting this way but my skin crawly feeling is enough to tell me run fast and furiously away from this guy.

So here is the Magic 8 Ball question…..maybe of the year….. Magic 8 Ball……… Would electing Mitt Romney be detrimental to the United States? Shakey…………. Shakey………………. Shakey……………… and the answer is: It Is Decidedly So. See…….the Skin Crawly Feeling NEVER fails me!

The Supper Club

I know I stated on here before that the boyfriend and I have broken up. So in an effort to “get back out there” I am trying different things to meet people. My favorite is going to the designated Pittsburg Steelers bar and watching Steelers games. I have done that a few times but I have to be in the mood and in the right head space to walk into a bar alone and sit and watch a game by myself. People are usually pretty good about talking to you, but, you do have to be prepared to just sit by yourself at the bar if no one will strike up a conversation with you and that requires being in a certain head space.

I do not want to try internet dating again. I tried that before the x-boyfriend and it was a nightmare. I know, I know, I have heard all the stories about people meeting and getting together on the internet and then getting married but the times I have met people they don’t look like their pictures, they say they don’t smoke then show up smelling like a smoking lounge from my high school days. So I am taking a different approach to it.

A friend of mine suggested we attend a singles supper club. It’s a group of people that get together and meet at different restaurants to check out the food. I think it is a great concept. We get there and it is a pretty large group of people. There are 6 women to every man there which is to be expected. The thing I like about it is you get to check out different restaurants that you might not even know about. My friend and I sit down next to a gentlemen who seems to be the best of the male species in the group and another gentlemen joins us. We sit at the end of the table and I am forced to sit next to KC, very nice gentlemen with absolutely no people skills and in desperate need of a make over to get him up to the year 2012. He is sporting a hairdo from the 1970’s. I feel bad for him because no one will talk to him so I engage him in conversation. It was like pulling teeth to talk to him. He is a very sweet man just does not have any viable social skills to engage in conversation.

The food was half way decent and my work friend and I enjoyed our time out together so it was not a wasted night and the concept is such that we shall probably do this again.


A few weeks have passed and they have a new restaurant picked. This time it is by my house but I have never been there so we decide to go once again. My work friend got there before me and failed to call or text to give me warning of what I was walking into. I barely got into the place before KC was at my side and stayed there all night. Which brings me to the Magic 8 Ball Question.

I felt sorry for the guy cause he is a bit weird and absolutely no one would engage him in conversation. In talking to him I did learn that he was a very sweet man with a steady job. He just had no social skills. I was brought up to always be nice to people and to “do unto others as you would want done unto you”. ….which is the reason I decided to engage in a conversation with him. If I was out in a group I would want someone to come over and talk to me. I would not want to sit there with 30 people and feel left out and isolated. The end result of me being nice is that now when I go to these supper clubs I have him stuck to my left side from the moment I walk in to the moment I leave. Which brings us to the Magic 8 Ball Question. Should I be like everyone else and ignore him? Magic 8 Ball Answer is: My reply is no.

That makes me feel better because despite the fact that he is annoying I still feel like if no one else is going to extend their hand to this man, there should be at least one person who does and I guess that will just have to be me. I would want someone to do that for me if the tables were turned.

Grocery Store Etiquette.........

Ok here’s the thing……….I don’t really want to go down this road but I feel the time has come. I live in the Midwest and apparently there is a disconnect about certain tried and true etiquette. In this particular case I am talking about grocery store etiquette. I long ago gave up on doing grocery shopping on a Saturday. I normally venture to the grocery store on off days like Tuesdays and Thursdays. For some reason though today on a Tuesday there is enough traffic to make it like a Saturday.

I am not the kind of person who is a shy wall flower. I have been told before that I have a touch of Bette Midler in me. I am not sure I agree with that or see that as a compliment but, yes; I can be a bit ballsy sometimes usually behind the wheel of a car. Now let it be said that shopping carts can be very similar to a car. When I drive, I drive Indy style. I am always watching what is going on 3 cars in front of me to make sure I see things as they are happening so I can anticipate sudden changes in traffic.

The same system applies to grocery stores. But grocery stores are even worse than the road because you have lots of completely self centered people (unfortunately mostly women and GOD I hate saying that) all crammed into very small isles. You still have the same problem with people on their cell phones talking and texting. I get that cause you need to call home to see what someone put on the list but what the “F” is the deal with these people leaving their carts in the middle of the isle so no one can get by while they stare blankly at the shelves. OMG it makes me crazy!!!! Seriously. The first thing I do is stare at these self centered morons with contempt. I don’t move I just stand there staring at them till they realize that they are blocking the Isle traffic and say “Oh I am so sorry” at which point I usually walk by SMH….”Shaking My Head” at how self centered they are. I mean I am so uber vigilant about this stuff that even if I am reaching for a bag of pasta and someone can’t get by I will move out of their way. Probably because I am over compensating for all the self centered jerks in most of the stores.

So I have been down 5 isles so far and I finally hit the mother of all Isles. It is jam packed with desperate housewives, some with their pain in the ass teenage texting kids in tow three wide across the isle. I, at this point, have reached my absolute limit of clueless self centered women and teenage children. So I decide to consult the Magic 8 Ball phone app. Magic 8 Ball phone app, if these ridiculously clueless teenagers and their desperate housewives parents continue to block the Isles with the carts without even the slightest thought for other people shopping in the store shall I use my cart to ram their cart out of the way? Shakey……………. Shakey……………. Shakey……………. And the answer is: You May Rely On It. Uh-huh. Well ok. Normally that answer would freak me out but I am a tad bit PMS and these people make me crazy. So…………..bring it on!!! I decide the texting teens with their clueless mom is the target. I get right up on them and stand their looking with disgust at the cart in the middle of the isle. They do not even acknowledge my existence. Oh Baby Game On!!!! I wait for 30 more seconds….no mas. Ok.. Here we go….BAM not just BAM But I mean BAM and the cart goes flying. Desperate housewife and texting teens look at me with that suburbia I am so effing privileged and what did you just do look. I smile wave and say “Contrary to popular belief you are not the only person shopping in this store.” “Move your shit out of the way desperate housewife!” God It felt so GOOD!!!!! And yes yes yes…..there is a bit of Bette Midler in me. Perhaps it’s time to take singing lessons……………….

Is It The Honda's Or The Renee Family Curse..............

I have been friends with Renee for about 12 years now. We met on the job while working in sales for a local radio group. She sat on the other side of the wall from my cube. She had one of the loudest voices on the phone and so one day I decided to mess with her. She was sitting at her desk and I called her up and told her I liked her outfit that she was wearing. She was trying to figure out who it was on the phone and I said do you really want to know to which she responded hell yes. Then I started pounding on her cube. She jumped and then started yelling at me. The next thing ya know we were friends.

One of the things I have learned about Renee is that she has very bad luck with cars…in terms of wrecking them. Maybe it’s just a Honda thing cause she keeps getting Honda’s. Early on she had a black Honda Accord and then she was in a wreck. She replaced it with a silver Honda accord. She had this car when we worked at another radio station together. I was at work and I was sitting in the news director’s office and they were looking out the window and watched as this old woman just plowed into someone car in the parking lot. This old woman hit is so hard she totaled it out. Apparently she thought she was hitting the break and was actually hitting the gas pedal.

So I said let me look and I went Oh God that looks like Renee’s car and then I looked again and said OMG it is Renee’s car. Then a couple of other sales people joined us and we were trying to figure out who was going to be the lucky one to have to tell her….guess who lost. Uh-huh. Yep……me. My friend Dave went along for moral support. I tried to break it to her easy because our radio station had just been sold to a very large radio chain and all the corporate Yahoo’s were in the building. I knew she was gonna freak out and start screaming so I was doing my best to keep her calm. I found her as she was going out to smoke a cigarette. I told her that she needed to come with me because I had to show her something and I told her to try and remain calm. I took her to the window and told her to look down at which point she observed the mayhem below. By this time the President and Vice President of our new company had come to see what was going on right as Renee realized it was her car. This was followed by a slew of f-bombs, sprinkled with a few GD’s some SOB’s at which point she turned around to see the President ad VP right behind her. Dave and I just couldn’t help ourselves and we started laughing which broke the tension a bit. Renee’s car was only about 3 or 4 months old at that point. This was the second wreck I had known about in two years. The trend was to continue. She got the car fixed and then someone slammed into her on the highway. She then decided to protect herself and moved up to a Honda Pilot. Then she wrecked that one in a fender bender. Now her son has started to drive and my question early on was: Is this just a Renee thing or will her son have the same car wrecking luck. Sure enough I hear that her son got in a wreck with his car as well. But once is just a fluke…...we shall see if it continues.

Renee and I went to go see Boney James this week and got caught up on things going on in our lives. I explained that the boyfriend and I had officially broken up and that I was very sad about it but there were some rather big issues and even though my heart hurts right now it is for the best. She explained that her son had driven her car and well………..totaled it………. which brings me to the Magic 8 Ball question. Magic 8 Ball is Renee’s family cursed when it comes to wrecking cars? Shakey……………….. Shakey…………………………. Shakey………………And the answer is: Most Likely. Well if this is the case then I would suggest she get the biggest SUV possible to protect her and her offspring. And maybe, just maybe, get something other than a Honda as it doesn’t seem to bring her very good luck.

To Poop Or Not To Poop........

Ok so here’s the thing… I was out with a bunch of my girlfriends for happy hour and the subject came up about pooping in public restrooms including restrooms at work. Who knew everyone has issues with this. I mean everyone has an issue with this. None of my girlfriends can do this. I have to say I am shocked by how many women have issues with this.

I too hate using public restrooms. Especially at work. But the ones at work are the worst for a couple of major reasons. First there is the smell……. It smells like someone pooped even if no one has been in there for two hours. Secondly, they have automatic flushers on all the toilets. Now did I mention I hate using public restrooms?

I also have a thing about going number 2 in a public place. I mean it I really have a thing about it. I admit it. And I thought I was the only one who had this and that I was just weird until I talked about it with the happy hour crew. So to even try to work up the courage to do it ….well…..it’s the stuff that psychotherapy sessions are made of. Ok…no judgments here people…. everyone has their hang ups.

Since this is an issue for me I decided it was the perfect candidate for my Magic 8 Ball life. I will ask the Magic 8 Ball. Magic 8 Ball shall I try to get over my issue of pooping in a public restroom? Shakey………. Shakey………. Shakey………. And the answer is: It Is Decidedly So.
Well crap!!!! That was not the answer I was hoping for. So not happy about this. The Experiment shall begin next week.

Well crap…….here we are and take a crap I must try to do in a public place. I freaking hate this blog right now!!!! Ok…. Off I go to settle in to the bathroom…..I Pick the nicest stall and there is no one in here…Thank God…….. so I try to relax and then the automatic toilets start talking to themselves….WTF…I mean really……. Are you kidding me? The toilets are talking to each other????? Beep Beep Beep….on down the line….well crap……literally…not gonna happen. What I want to know is what are these toilets saying to each other? Hey toilet number 2 the girl in number 5 can’t poop in public let’s mess with her. So I guess I will leave this experiment to my female companions who don’t have automatic flushing toilets. Still look with suspicion to all automatic toilets no matter where they are. What exactly are they saying to each other…..’’Hey check out the chick in stall number 3 she has polka dot underwear’……Seriously.......

Entertaining Angels.....................

You know that saying that perhaps you have entertained Angels without knowing it. That is a question that has haunted me for the last eight years………..

I have probably never talked about my dog Sam on here. My dog Sam was a rescue dog and I believe he is touched by God. When I first saw him he was limping on the side of the road getting ready to get onto a highway. I remember saying out loud,”Oh please God protect him.” Then I said “I promise I will help him God but I am late for work and I can’t do it today. Just please keep him safe.”

The very next day, at the same intersection in the heart of the ghetto, I see this guy out of his car in the middle of January and it 4 degrees outside. He is waving his hands and screaming so I look over and here is this dog again and this time he is being attacked by two pit bulls in the front and two pit bulls in the back and they are ripping him to shreds. So I get out of my car and start screaming and waving my hands. At which point the pit bulls look at me as if to say screw you and go back to ripping him up. I then hear a voice in my head that says Samurai…….. So I start making weird Samurai noises and kicking my feet and wailing my arms around and next thing you know the pit bulls all take off and the dog runs under my car.

He won’t come out and it’s 4 degrees outside. I talk to him and reassure him and call the fire department to see if they will get him out from under my car. No mas…. They direct me to animal control who explains it will be at least 45 minutes to an hour. So I talk to him and start praying……..I mean really praying. Ok God I need some help here this dog needs to get to a vet and it is too cold out here please send me some help. Next thing I know about 5 minutes later this guy with blonde hair and crystal blue eyes shows up. He says its freezing cold and a bad neighborhood and asks if he can be of assistance. I tell him the story and he says he and his wife do dog rescue all the time. He goes to the car and comes back with a leash and wraps it around the dogs snout pulls him out and gets in the back seat of my car with the dog and we head off to the vet with the mans wife following behind in the pick up truck.

We get the to vet, open the door and the bell on the door tinkles and rings and we bring in the dog to the receptionist area and the vet techs and the vet come and out and there is a lot of commotion. We explain what happened and in the midst of the confusion the man and his wife disappear. I look around and they are gone….. I ask the receptionist did you see them leave and she says no. Then she says if they left we would have heard the door open and the bell sound.

So here is the question that is well over due for the Magic 8 Ball. Magic 8 Ball on that day did I entertain angels? Shakey……………. Shakey……………. Shakey……………. And the answer is: Signs Point to Yes. Ah Ha!!! I knew it……. It was just so weird and no one could explain how they disappeared and they were definitely sent from God to help me….. A direct response to a prayer. Sammy has been one of the best dogs ever and is my protector. If he doesn’t like you he lets me know and I must say he is always right.

Local Snookie.........................

My friend Dave and I get together every Sunday afternoon for lunch, conversation, a bit of media gossip and to people watch. On this particular Sunday we chose a watering hole in a trendy suburb for our feast and cocktails. I just knew it was going to be particularly entertaining. I chose to sit on the upper deck of the building. Just as I sat down, the winds kicked up, the temperature dropped and it clouded up… a great breeze and a storm on the horizon. Perfect weather for the deck. I soon get a text from Dave: where r u woman? I responded ‘I’m here on the deck” and he said ‘So am I” to which I replied “no ur not” so it goes back and forth till finally my waitress volunteers to go downstairs to retrieve him. Geez!!!

We decided we would drink beer and watch the storm roll in and of course being media people…track it on TV radar via our cell phones. There is a storm cell headed directly for us but it doesn’t look strong enough to hold together. We order, watch and wait….dun dun dah.
Right in the middle of catching up these three twenty something girls show up and grab a table about 30 feet from us. OMG this might be good……or really bad……. Or both at the same time!!!

So Dave and I settle in. Next thing ya know we have the local version of Snookie on our hands. The crassness, the sadness, the please for the love of god pay attention to me-ness. Dave nicknames them the blow job girls. I ask him why and he says anyone that is that loud and is wanting that much attention clearly has daddy issues and girls that need that much attention usually will have a high number of blow jobs under their belt because of lack of self esteem. Huh…well there you have it. I have to admit he might be spot on about this girl.

So we eat our food and listen in….. The loud pay attention to me girl I have named “Local Snookie” is so loud that we can hear every word. Says “I have no idea but the only thing left was scotch so that must have been what I was drinking”…..nice. Now she starts on this whole diatribe about how much she drank. Which of course Dave goes……see……. 3 bj’s in one night.

Then of course he dares me to use my Magic 8 Ball phone app. He says “ I dare you to go ask her how many blow jobs she has given. And I am going OMG…. Not cool but I will ask….. Magic 8 Ball….. Shall I confront “local Snookie” regarding her BJ experience?

Shakey………….. Shakey…………..
Shakey…………..and the Answer is: Cannot Predict Now. Oh thank God……. I was not looking forward to getting into a fight with the loud mouth twenty somethings.Thank You Magic 8 Ball.

Dave and I proceed to tell the story to our waitress. Who proceeds to tell all the other waitresses and they start laughing….because they were thinking the same thing and couldn’t wait for them to leave.

On the way home, I tune into the local comedian network. The comedian, I never got his name, is talking about local girls who go to the local neighborhood bars and take pictures of themselves and their girlfriends drinking beer like they are on spring break in Mexico. All the while talking loud and being completely obnoxious. Which makes me think this comedian is somewhere on this deck as we speak. I feel sorry for “Local Snookie” but it was pretty damn good Sunday fodder.

Soul Food and Then Some..........

Every year the radio station that I used to work for hosts a Soul Food festival. This year the main act on the bill is George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelics. My best friend is a George Clinton fanatic and because of her I have seen him so many times I have stopped counting. It is a yearly event. So I guess I should put this one up to the Magic 8 Ball. Magic 8 Ball should I go to the Soul Food Festival and See George Clinton? Shakey……… Shakey………. Shakey……. And the answer is: YES. Well that was pretty decisive. I guess I’ll be going. Will just have to make myself steer clear of the soul food. So off I got to the festival. Turns out to be a good decision all the old staff who worked at the station in 2004 decided to show up so we had a mini reunion!!! The show was very good with the highlight for me being the Dazz band. I love that band and never had the pleasure of seeing them live. They did a great job and so did the Bar Kays…a personal favorite since they recorded on my favorite label Stax Records. George Clinton took the stage and the band did their famous funkiness. Sir Nose was in rare form. The night was so much fun and it was so good to spend time with old friends.

Ain’t nothin’ but a jam y’all…

The Mustard Incident.........

You have to love it. You just have to love it. Today is a day full of meetings at work. Usually during the summer I let my hair go au naturelle. I just get out of the shower scrunch it a bit and let the wavy curls take over. In fact I go to work with a wet head and let it dry over the first 20 minutes. But today was the exception. I am not sure why. I actually took the time to blow dry my hair straight. And normally its jeans and a t-shirt but today I decided to dress up a bit. I grabbed a hoodie just in case it got a bit to cold at my desk and I needed something to stay warm.

So I get to work get checked in and head off to the cafeteria for my morning Starbucks doubleshot and my smoked sausage link with mustard. While dispensing the mustard from the container it ends up everywhere except on my sausage. In other words all down the front of me. Are you kidding me???? I am now covered in mustard and look like a human hot dog bun!!! And I have meetings today!!!!!! Uck a doodle doo!!!!

Options. I need options. And Thank God for grabbing the hoodie when I left the apartment so I can throw that on and cover up the huge mustard stain that spans my entire stomach and chest area. But I smell like mustard! Hmmmmm..... I could run home for an early lunch and change clothes and I could see if the boyfriend would meet me and then and we could grab some afternoon delight! Sounds like a plan....... If the Magic 8 Ball approves of it.

Magic 8 Ball should I go home and change clothes and grab some afternoon delight? Magic 8 Ball says: YES
Now that's the kinda answer I likey!

First Impressionism...............

So the question that is up on the block for the Magic 8 Ball today is: Shall the boyfriend and I go see the Monet Water Lillies’ exhibit at the Art Museum tonight? Shakey……. Shakey………. Shakey……. And the Answer is: Cannot Predict Now. Ok then guess I shall have to put this off for a few hours and come back to it and ask the question in another way.
A few hours have passed and now it is time to ask the question another way. Shall the boyfriend and I go see the Monet Water Lillies' exhibit at the Art Museum this Thursday night? Shakey……. Shakey………. Shakey……. And the Answer is: Without a doubt. This is so good…. cause I really want to go and I think the boyfriend will enjoy it too. I talked to the boyfriend and he wants to go so we are on for Thursday!

So it’s Thursday and we go to the Art Gallery to see Monet’s Water Lillies’….all three panels together for the first time in thirty years. And it's incredible. They have couches strategically placed so you can sit and take it all in…the colors, the technique, the brilliance. It really is an amazing thing to see and this guy was awesome and maybe just a tad bit crazy…..never read up on him but to be that good you have to be a bit touched. But I digress….. So I am sitting there and I take my phone out and turn off the flash and take a picture. Just when I start to take a second picture a guard comes up and tells me we can’t take pictures of it. So I start to put my phone away and try to get one more shot.

I then go up to inspect the picture and Monet's signature closer. I lean in and take my glasses off to inspect his signature when the guard comes up to me again and says I have stepped over the line….what freggin’ line lady?

So I look down and see that the carpet ends and then you hit tile and I am standing on the tile and now apparently I have entered the museum danger zone. Really? What? Am I an Art Terrorist cause I want an up close look at his signature? Whatever…. I go back to the boyfriend who says that was my second strike and one more strike and I will be kicked out and banned from the Museum by the guard Nazis.

We decide we have seen enough and leave. Upon getting to the car I discover that I did get a second picture. I call it my impressionist photograph of one of the most significant impressionist paintings…….Monet’s Water Lillies’……… and you will find it in the upper right corner of this blog…..

To Sign On The Dotted Line..............

I know I have covered the topic of apartment life on here a few times in the short amount of time I have been blogging about my Magic 8 Ball life but I find it rearing its ugly head once again because I now am at a crossroads. I have to decide whether to renew my lease or find a new place to live.

There are some pluses to staying here. I do love my apartment. I have vaulted ceilings and one wall is completely glass so I get a lot light in the summer which I love… till the electric bill shows up. But I do love it in the winter because you get an enormous amount of light. I have a great balcony that I have turned into my own little Zen garden. The only part of this apartment I hate is the complex itself. The apartment is great… the people that run the complex are not and some of the tenants are just a little too questionable looking for my taste. But overall it could be lots worse. I am having a very hard time deciding so I guess it’s time to put it to the Magic 8 Ball.

Magic 8 Ball shall I renew my lease for this apartment? Shakey…….Shakey……… Shakey……… and the answer is “You May Rely On It”. Ok so it is decided. I have to say that I am secretly very happy. I was not looking forward to moving but if the 8 Ball had said I needed to move I would have started the process of looking.

So I will stay here and not pack up my little Zen garden so I can continue to have my meditation space and all my sunlight streaming in my windows …oh…and my high electric bill…still worth it. And I am sure my dog will appreciate not having to get used to another place. I will just have to deal with all the strange people and smells. Have I mentioned the smells before?

Car Alarms And The Golden Ghetto

I know I have said this before but I think it is worthy of restating. God I love living in an apartment. It’s just such a plethora of fun sometimes!
The smells, the creepy neighbors, the noise….OMG the noise!!!

On a Sunday night at about 10:30PM someone’s car alarm started going off in the parking lot. This is not good as it is right outside my bedroom window and I have to get up at 5am. So I guess it’s time to ask the Magic 8 Ball for help. Magic 8 Ball should I call the police to report this car alarm going off? Shakey Shakey Shakey…… It Is Certain. Ok…well I don’t like calling the police on neighbors but I like my sleep more so I guess I will make the call. Now it is 11PM the car alarm is STILL going off and my neighbor from downstairs has joined me in the hall to see what the heck the deal is.

The thing is I know who the car belongs to and I know what building he lives in but I don’t know what apartment he lives in. I don’t think it’s a good idea to go door to door by myself at 11 o’clock at night trying to find the owner cause you don’t want to get yelled at or raped or end up in little pieces in somebody’s refrigerator. My neighbor next door decided she would go with me. So off we went knocking on doors. At least the neighbors were nice about it. They could have been really mean and rude about someone knocking on their door at 11pm. God knows I would not be happy about it nor would I open my door if I had two guys standing outside it at 11pm.

Finally after knocking on 4 doors we found the owner of the car who came to the door with out his shirt on….....completely gross….....and he came out to fix the alarm right as the Police showed up to investigate the problem. The cop was not at all amused by the fact that we had managed to find the alarm perpetrator and that he showed up to call that was in essence solved. He did have some choice words for the man without the shirt. If it was me I would have scolded him about the alarm and then thrown in “and dude put on a shirt no one wants to look at that.” So I guess all is well again in my lovely little slice of heaven I like to call my apartment in the golden ghetto.

Signs Signs Everywhere Signs Or Not..........

In the movie Bruce Almighty the main character is having a really bad day and he asks God for a sign. He is driving in his car he passes one of those huge signs that the highway works folks post on the side of the road that says “Danger Ahead’. Some people are the type that trust in God and see and read the signs along the way while others think that sort of thing is a bunch of hog wash as they say here in the Midwest.

I am one of those people who see, read and do my best to try and interpret the signs that God gives me while along the way. The key to this lies in the interpretation of the signs. Some are easy to read while other make you scratch your head and just wonder. If synchronicity is involved you can bet you should be paying attention to it. This doesn’t mean you’ll ever figure out what it means.

On Sunday the boyfriend and I were going to get together for dinner. He was going to meet me at my place so I called him when I was heading home and he told me his car battery was dead and asked if I could swing by and jump start his car. It was not a problem and I was happy to help. A couple of days later, I was walking out the door of my apartment building on my way to work when my neighbor asked me if I could provide him with a jump start as his car had a dead battery. Now this has my attention………. being asked to jump start two cars over the span of 3 days….interesting coincidence and a sign worthy of my attention.

So the question is what the heck does it mean? Maybe I should ask the Magic 8 Ball if it is a sign. Magic 8 Ball is jump starting two cars over the span of three days a sign I should pay attention to? Shakey Shakey Shakey……….Magic 8 Ball answer: Signs Point To Yes. Well Duh!!! That is all fine and good but what the heck does it mean?
Maybe I should ask the Magic 8 Ball if I will figure out what the sign or meaning to jump starting two cars in three days is/was. I shall ask……Magic 8 Ball will I figure out what the sign/meaning of jump starting two cars in three days is? Shakey Shakey Shakey…… Magic 8 Ball answer: My Sources Say No. Ah… Well.... there you have it. God’s deep truth still goes unanswered…….ok maybe it’s not that deep.

So Cute But What A Pain In The Arse......

It is July in my lovely town and the temps are soaring. They have issued a heat advisory for our area and they expect the actual high temp today to be around 101 with a heat index of 105 to 110. So about half way thru the day they issue a boil order for 500 thousand people in our city of 2.5 million. This means on an extremely hot day you have heat up your water to boiling before you can drink it. Really? Really? Are ya kidding me? Then they tell us that it will likely last for a couple of days. Not only does this affect cooking and drinking water but you are not suppose to shower or bathe in it either. Now this is going from bad to worse! I wasn’t planning on stocking up on bottled water but now I may have to change my mind. Maybe this will have to be a question for the Magic 8 Ball. Magic 8 Ball should I go stock up on bottled water so I have a reserve in case of emergencies? Shakey Shakey Shakey……………..without a doubt.
Okay so I guess on my lunch hour I will head off to go buy some bottled water.

Well gee that was fun. I head off on my half hour lunch hour across the street to Wal-Mart to go grab a couple of cases of bottled water and apparently there has been a run on it…… none to be found. So then I go to the local grocery store and again shelves are bare. Hmmm… This might be more serious than I thought. Or maybe not. I won’t drink water I’ll just drink wine……that might not be such a bright idea…… guess I will have to wait till I get off work to search the area for bottled water.

Interesting…..now it appears the boil order problem all stems from one rather curious raccoon who decided to check out the local water system. Apparently a raccoon got into the switch gear at the water plant which caused a major surge and then caused everything to shut down. All this because of a raccoon!!

After work I did finally find some bottled water but it took going across the state line to get it. I do now have a reserve which I have tapped into of which the boyfriend says I must replace so that I can continue to have a reserve. That sounds like a question for the Magic 8 Ball on another day.

Lessons And The Kitchen Sink

Apartment living can sometimes be challenging. For instance, I have a bunch of flowers out on my balcony to try to have a bit of “ Zen” going on outside my living room windows. Watering all these plants can be a bit of a challenge since the only way to do so is to load up a two gallon watering can and make the trip back and forth from the kitchen to the balcony. To speed up this process I decided to add a 2 gallon painter’s bucket to alternate with the watering can.

On about my 10th trip back to the kitchen I came back to a lovely fountain exploding all over my kitchen where upon inspection it became evident the faucet attached to my kitchen sink had just fallen off. There was water everywhere. I mean everywhere!!! Alll over me, all over the kitchen floor and the cabinets,the counters…..everywhere!!! I finally got the water turned off and started getting things cleaned up and made the first attempt to reattach the faucet back to the sink hardware. First attempt…..no luck…… it fell right back off once I turn the water on. It should also be said that when God was handing out patience I was apparently standing in some other line. So second attempt…again it just fell off. I guess it’s time to call the apartment complex to have their handy man come over with proper tools to reattach this. I make the call only to be informed that it will have to be sometime tomorrow before they can get to me because this is not considered and emergency by "their" standards. So now I have no kitchen sink till at least this time tomorrow night. Sounds like it’s time for the Magic 8 Ball.

Magic 8 Ball…..should I try to fix this myself? Shakey Shakey Shakey……..Concentrate and Ask Again……. Magic 8 Ball......should I try to fix this myself? Shakey Shakey Shakey……..Signs Point To Yes. Well alright then. Looks like I have myself a lesson in patience and plumbing. I never like lessons in patience and.... well..... plumbing..... the most I know about plumbing is that I hate plumber’s crack.

This might just be amusing trying to fix this. My next attempt will be made bare handed. This time, with most of the water out of the way, I just might be successful. I think maybe if I just keep screwing this thing down...I really don't know what it is called....even after it feels like it’s back on maybe it will actually hold once I turn the water on. OR it doesn’t and I blow off the lesson in patience and leave it to the professionals. Ok.....now for the test. I will turn on the water ever so slowly so if it doesn’t hold I will not have the fountain spraying in my kitchen again. So far so good. Now I will turn the water up full force. Oh My God….it’s holding…… I fixed it!!!!! Wow what a great feeling!!!! Time for the white girl dance around the kitchen!!

Not Full Of Sh&#

Like I said in my first post I don't live in a house I live in an apartment. There are some pluses to apartment life like when something breaks you call someone and they fix it (maybe not in your time frame) and you don't have to pay for it. The bad things......noise and neighbors that do not take responsibility for their pets.

One of my neighbors has a large dog and they never pick up her poop. I have a large dog too but I am hyper vigilant about cleaning up after him. So after my neighbors leaving numerous poop piles for all of us to dodge I feel it is time to put the Magic 8 Ball on it.

Magic 8 Ball should I collect all the poop and leave it on my neighbors door step as a welcome home present? Magic 8 Ball Says: Cannot Predict Now. Okay so I guess I will revisit this issue at another time. Thanks Magic 8 Ball.

So perhaps the Magic 8 Ball is keeping me from getting into a big ole crap fest with my neighbor which at this point I wouldn't really mind. I mean how can you live in an apartment complex and be so self centered. People never cease to amaze me.........

To Downward Dog Or To...........

I have purchased a traditional MAGIC 8 BALL for my home and one for the office and I have loaded a MAGIC 8 BALL app for my phone for all other occasions. So it occurs to me that certain questions should probably not be asked. For instance, Should I slap the crap out of my annoying co-worker? And if the Magic 8 ball answer is “Signs point to yes” or “It is decidedly so” I could get fired and then I would not be able to afford internet service and the blog would go away. So I will stay away from questions that will get me fired or put into jail.

Ok…...... question for the Magic 8 ball. Should I blow off Yoga class tonight to go have hot monkey sex with my boyfriend? Shakey Shakey Shakey..... Magic 8 ball says: Cannot predict now. Oh come on!!!! Well fine……. I will ask again in a little bit. Should I blow off Yoga class tonight to have hot monkey sex with my boyfriend? Shakey Shakey Shakey..... Magic 8 Ball says: It is decidedly so.
Why thank you so much Magic 8 ball!!!!!