The Supper Club

I know I stated on here before that the boyfriend and I have broken up. So in an effort to “get back out there” I am trying different things to meet people. My favorite is going to the designated Pittsburg Steelers bar and watching Steelers games. I have done that a few times but I have to be in the mood and in the right head space to walk into a bar alone and sit and watch a game by myself. People are usually pretty good about talking to you, but, you do have to be prepared to just sit by yourself at the bar if no one will strike up a conversation with you and that requires being in a certain head space.

I do not want to try internet dating again. I tried that before the x-boyfriend and it was a nightmare. I know, I know, I have heard all the stories about people meeting and getting together on the internet and then getting married but the times I have met people they don’t look like their pictures, they say they don’t smoke then show up smelling like a smoking lounge from my high school days. So I am taking a different approach to it.

A friend of mine suggested we attend a singles supper club. It’s a group of people that get together and meet at different restaurants to check out the food. I think it is a great concept. We get there and it is a pretty large group of people. There are 6 women to every man there which is to be expected. The thing I like about it is you get to check out different restaurants that you might not even know about. My friend and I sit down next to a gentlemen who seems to be the best of the male species in the group and another gentlemen joins us. We sit at the end of the table and I am forced to sit next to KC, very nice gentlemen with absolutely no people skills and in desperate need of a make over to get him up to the year 2012. He is sporting a hairdo from the 1970’s. I feel bad for him because no one will talk to him so I engage him in conversation. It was like pulling teeth to talk to him. He is a very sweet man just does not have any viable social skills to engage in conversation.

The food was half way decent and my work friend and I enjoyed our time out together so it was not a wasted night and the concept is such that we shall probably do this again.


A few weeks have passed and they have a new restaurant picked. This time it is by my house but I have never been there so we decide to go once again. My work friend got there before me and failed to call or text to give me warning of what I was walking into. I barely got into the place before KC was at my side and stayed there all night. Which brings me to the Magic 8 Ball Question.

I felt sorry for the guy cause he is a bit weird and absolutely no one would engage him in conversation. In talking to him I did learn that he was a very sweet man with a steady job. He just had no social skills. I was brought up to always be nice to people and to “do unto others as you would want done unto you”. ….which is the reason I decided to engage in a conversation with him. If I was out in a group I would want someone to come over and talk to me. I would not want to sit there with 30 people and feel left out and isolated. The end result of me being nice is that now when I go to these supper clubs I have him stuck to my left side from the moment I walk in to the moment I leave. Which brings us to the Magic 8 Ball Question. Should I be like everyone else and ignore him? Magic 8 Ball Answer is: My reply is no.

That makes me feel better because despite the fact that he is annoying I still feel like if no one else is going to extend their hand to this man, there should be at least one person who does and I guess that will just have to be me. I would want someone to do that for me if the tables were turned.

Grocery Store Etiquette.........

Ok here’s the thing……….I don’t really want to go down this road but I feel the time has come. I live in the Midwest and apparently there is a disconnect about certain tried and true etiquette. In this particular case I am talking about grocery store etiquette. I long ago gave up on doing grocery shopping on a Saturday. I normally venture to the grocery store on off days like Tuesdays and Thursdays. For some reason though today on a Tuesday there is enough traffic to make it like a Saturday.

I am not the kind of person who is a shy wall flower. I have been told before that I have a touch of Bette Midler in me. I am not sure I agree with that or see that as a compliment but, yes; I can be a bit ballsy sometimes usually behind the wheel of a car. Now let it be said that shopping carts can be very similar to a car. When I drive, I drive Indy style. I am always watching what is going on 3 cars in front of me to make sure I see things as they are happening so I can anticipate sudden changes in traffic.

The same system applies to grocery stores. But grocery stores are even worse than the road because you have lots of completely self centered people (unfortunately mostly women and GOD I hate saying that) all crammed into very small isles. You still have the same problem with people on their cell phones talking and texting. I get that cause you need to call home to see what someone put on the list but what the “F” is the deal with these people leaving their carts in the middle of the isle so no one can get by while they stare blankly at the shelves. OMG it makes me crazy!!!! Seriously. The first thing I do is stare at these self centered morons with contempt. I don’t move I just stand there staring at them till they realize that they are blocking the Isle traffic and say “Oh I am so sorry” at which point I usually walk by SMH….”Shaking My Head” at how self centered they are. I mean I am so uber vigilant about this stuff that even if I am reaching for a bag of pasta and someone can’t get by I will move out of their way. Probably because I am over compensating for all the self centered jerks in most of the stores.

So I have been down 5 isles so far and I finally hit the mother of all Isles. It is jam packed with desperate housewives, some with their pain in the ass teenage texting kids in tow three wide across the isle. I, at this point, have reached my absolute limit of clueless self centered women and teenage children. So I decide to consult the Magic 8 Ball phone app. Magic 8 Ball phone app, if these ridiculously clueless teenagers and their desperate housewives parents continue to block the Isles with the carts without even the slightest thought for other people shopping in the store shall I use my cart to ram their cart out of the way? Shakey……………. Shakey……………. Shakey……………. And the answer is: You May Rely On It. Uh-huh. Well ok. Normally that answer would freak me out but I am a tad bit PMS and these people make me crazy. So…………..bring it on!!! I decide the texting teens with their clueless mom is the target. I get right up on them and stand their looking with disgust at the cart in the middle of the isle. They do not even acknowledge my existence. Oh Baby Game On!!!! I wait for 30 more seconds….no mas. Ok.. Here we go….BAM not just BAM But I mean BAM and the cart goes flying. Desperate housewife and texting teens look at me with that suburbia I am so effing privileged and what did you just do look. I smile wave and say “Contrary to popular belief you are not the only person shopping in this store.” “Move your shit out of the way desperate housewife!” God It felt so GOOD!!!!! And yes yes yes…..there is a bit of Bette Midler in me. Perhaps it’s time to take singing lessons……………….

Is It The Honda's Or The Renee Family Curse..............

I have been friends with Renee for about 12 years now. We met on the job while working in sales for a local radio group. She sat on the other side of the wall from my cube. She had one of the loudest voices on the phone and so one day I decided to mess with her. She was sitting at her desk and I called her up and told her I liked her outfit that she was wearing. She was trying to figure out who it was on the phone and I said do you really want to know to which she responded hell yes. Then I started pounding on her cube. She jumped and then started yelling at me. The next thing ya know we were friends.

One of the things I have learned about Renee is that she has very bad luck with cars…in terms of wrecking them. Maybe it’s just a Honda thing cause she keeps getting Honda’s. Early on she had a black Honda Accord and then she was in a wreck. She replaced it with a silver Honda accord. She had this car when we worked at another radio station together. I was at work and I was sitting in the news director’s office and they were looking out the window and watched as this old woman just plowed into someone car in the parking lot. This old woman hit is so hard she totaled it out. Apparently she thought she was hitting the break and was actually hitting the gas pedal.

So I said let me look and I went Oh God that looks like Renee’s car and then I looked again and said OMG it is Renee’s car. Then a couple of other sales people joined us and we were trying to figure out who was going to be the lucky one to have to tell her….guess who lost. Uh-huh. Yep……me. My friend Dave went along for moral support. I tried to break it to her easy because our radio station had just been sold to a very large radio chain and all the corporate Yahoo’s were in the building. I knew she was gonna freak out and start screaming so I was doing my best to keep her calm. I found her as she was going out to smoke a cigarette. I told her that she needed to come with me because I had to show her something and I told her to try and remain calm. I took her to the window and told her to look down at which point she observed the mayhem below. By this time the President and Vice President of our new company had come to see what was going on right as Renee realized it was her car. This was followed by a slew of f-bombs, sprinkled with a few GD’s some SOB’s at which point she turned around to see the President ad VP right behind her. Dave and I just couldn’t help ourselves and we started laughing which broke the tension a bit. Renee’s car was only about 3 or 4 months old at that point. This was the second wreck I had known about in two years. The trend was to continue. She got the car fixed and then someone slammed into her on the highway. She then decided to protect herself and moved up to a Honda Pilot. Then she wrecked that one in a fender bender. Now her son has started to drive and my question early on was: Is this just a Renee thing or will her son have the same car wrecking luck. Sure enough I hear that her son got in a wreck with his car as well. But once is just a fluke…...we shall see if it continues.

Renee and I went to go see Boney James this week and got caught up on things going on in our lives. I explained that the boyfriend and I had officially broken up and that I was very sad about it but there were some rather big issues and even though my heart hurts right now it is for the best. She explained that her son had driven her car and well………..totaled it………. which brings me to the Magic 8 Ball question. Magic 8 Ball is Renee’s family cursed when it comes to wrecking cars? Shakey……………….. Shakey…………………………. Shakey………………And the answer is: Most Likely. Well if this is the case then I would suggest she get the biggest SUV possible to protect her and her offspring. And maybe, just maybe, get something other than a Honda as it doesn’t seem to bring her very good luck.

To Poop Or Not To Poop........

Ok so here’s the thing… I was out with a bunch of my girlfriends for happy hour and the subject came up about pooping in public restrooms including restrooms at work. Who knew everyone has issues with this. I mean everyone has an issue with this. None of my girlfriends can do this. I have to say I am shocked by how many women have issues with this.

I too hate using public restrooms. Especially at work. But the ones at work are the worst for a couple of major reasons. First there is the smell……. It smells like someone pooped even if no one has been in there for two hours. Secondly, they have automatic flushers on all the toilets. Now did I mention I hate using public restrooms?

I also have a thing about going number 2 in a public place. I mean it I really have a thing about it. I admit it. And I thought I was the only one who had this and that I was just weird until I talked about it with the happy hour crew. So to even try to work up the courage to do it ….well…..it’s the stuff that psychotherapy sessions are made of. Ok…no judgments here people…. everyone has their hang ups.

Since this is an issue for me I decided it was the perfect candidate for my Magic 8 Ball life. I will ask the Magic 8 Ball. Magic 8 Ball shall I try to get over my issue of pooping in a public restroom? Shakey………. Shakey………. Shakey………. And the answer is: It Is Decidedly So.
Well crap!!!! That was not the answer I was hoping for. So not happy about this. The Experiment shall begin next week.

Well crap…….here we are and take a crap I must try to do in a public place. I freaking hate this blog right now!!!! Ok…. Off I go to settle in to the bathroom…..I Pick the nicest stall and there is no one in here…Thank God…….. so I try to relax and then the automatic toilets start talking to themselves….WTF…I mean really……. Are you kidding me? The toilets are talking to each other????? Beep Beep Beep….on down the line….well crap……literally…not gonna happen. What I want to know is what are these toilets saying to each other? Hey toilet number 2 the girl in number 5 can’t poop in public let’s mess with her. So I guess I will leave this experiment to my female companions who don’t have automatic flushing toilets. Still look with suspicion to all automatic toilets no matter where they are. What exactly are they saying to each other…..’’Hey check out the chick in stall number 3 she has polka dot underwear’……Seriously.......

Entertaining Angels.....................

You know that saying that perhaps you have entertained Angels without knowing it. That is a question that has haunted me for the last eight years………..

I have probably never talked about my dog Sam on here. My dog Sam was a rescue dog and I believe he is touched by God. When I first saw him he was limping on the side of the road getting ready to get onto a highway. I remember saying out loud,”Oh please God protect him.” Then I said “I promise I will help him God but I am late for work and I can’t do it today. Just please keep him safe.”

The very next day, at the same intersection in the heart of the ghetto, I see this guy out of his car in the middle of January and it 4 degrees outside. He is waving his hands and screaming so I look over and here is this dog again and this time he is being attacked by two pit bulls in the front and two pit bulls in the back and they are ripping him to shreds. So I get out of my car and start screaming and waving my hands. At which point the pit bulls look at me as if to say screw you and go back to ripping him up. I then hear a voice in my head that says Samurai…….. So I start making weird Samurai noises and kicking my feet and wailing my arms around and next thing you know the pit bulls all take off and the dog runs under my car.

He won’t come out and it’s 4 degrees outside. I talk to him and reassure him and call the fire department to see if they will get him out from under my car. No mas…. They direct me to animal control who explains it will be at least 45 minutes to an hour. So I talk to him and start praying……..I mean really praying. Ok God I need some help here this dog needs to get to a vet and it is too cold out here please send me some help. Next thing I know about 5 minutes later this guy with blonde hair and crystal blue eyes shows up. He says its freezing cold and a bad neighborhood and asks if he can be of assistance. I tell him the story and he says he and his wife do dog rescue all the time. He goes to the car and comes back with a leash and wraps it around the dogs snout pulls him out and gets in the back seat of my car with the dog and we head off to the vet with the mans wife following behind in the pick up truck.

We get the to vet, open the door and the bell on the door tinkles and rings and we bring in the dog to the receptionist area and the vet techs and the vet come and out and there is a lot of commotion. We explain what happened and in the midst of the confusion the man and his wife disappear. I look around and they are gone….. I ask the receptionist did you see them leave and she says no. Then she says if they left we would have heard the door open and the bell sound.

So here is the question that is well over due for the Magic 8 Ball. Magic 8 Ball on that day did I entertain angels? Shakey……………. Shakey……………. Shakey……………. And the answer is: Signs Point to Yes. Ah Ha!!! I knew it……. It was just so weird and no one could explain how they disappeared and they were definitely sent from God to help me….. A direct response to a prayer. Sammy has been one of the best dogs ever and is my protector. If he doesn’t like you he lets me know and I must say he is always right.

Local Snookie.........................

My friend Dave and I get together every Sunday afternoon for lunch, conversation, a bit of media gossip and to people watch. On this particular Sunday we chose a watering hole in a trendy suburb for our feast and cocktails. I just knew it was going to be particularly entertaining. I chose to sit on the upper deck of the building. Just as I sat down, the winds kicked up, the temperature dropped and it clouded up… a great breeze and a storm on the horizon. Perfect weather for the deck. I soon get a text from Dave: where r u woman? I responded ‘I’m here on the deck” and he said ‘So am I” to which I replied “no ur not” so it goes back and forth till finally my waitress volunteers to go downstairs to retrieve him. Geez!!!

We decided we would drink beer and watch the storm roll in and of course being media people…track it on TV radar via our cell phones. There is a storm cell headed directly for us but it doesn’t look strong enough to hold together. We order, watch and wait….dun dun dah.
Right in the middle of catching up these three twenty something girls show up and grab a table about 30 feet from us. OMG this might be good……or really bad……. Or both at the same time!!!

So Dave and I settle in. Next thing ya know we have the local version of Snookie on our hands. The crassness, the sadness, the please for the love of god pay attention to me-ness. Dave nicknames them the blow job girls. I ask him why and he says anyone that is that loud and is wanting that much attention clearly has daddy issues and girls that need that much attention usually will have a high number of blow jobs under their belt because of lack of self esteem. Huh…well there you have it. I have to admit he might be spot on about this girl.

So we eat our food and listen in….. The loud pay attention to me girl I have named “Local Snookie” is so loud that we can hear every word. Says “I have no idea but the only thing left was scotch so that must have been what I was drinking”…..nice. Now she starts on this whole diatribe about how much she drank. Which of course Dave goes……see……. 3 bj’s in one night.

Then of course he dares me to use my Magic 8 Ball phone app. He says “ I dare you to go ask her how many blow jobs she has given. And I am going OMG…. Not cool but I will ask….. Magic 8 Ball….. Shall I confront “local Snookie” regarding her BJ experience?

Shakey………….. Shakey…………..
Shakey…………..and the Answer is: Cannot Predict Now. Oh thank God……. I was not looking forward to getting into a fight with the loud mouth twenty somethings.Thank You Magic 8 Ball.

Dave and I proceed to tell the story to our waitress. Who proceeds to tell all the other waitresses and they start laughing….because they were thinking the same thing and couldn’t wait for them to leave.

On the way home, I tune into the local comedian network. The comedian, I never got his name, is talking about local girls who go to the local neighborhood bars and take pictures of themselves and their girlfriends drinking beer like they are on spring break in Mexico. All the while talking loud and being completely obnoxious. Which makes me think this comedian is somewhere on this deck as we speak. I feel sorry for “Local Snookie” but it was pretty damn good Sunday fodder.

Soul Food and Then Some..........

Every year the radio station that I used to work for hosts a Soul Food festival. This year the main act on the bill is George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelics. My best friend is a George Clinton fanatic and because of her I have seen him so many times I have stopped counting. It is a yearly event. So I guess I should put this one up to the Magic 8 Ball. Magic 8 Ball should I go to the Soul Food Festival and See George Clinton? Shakey……… Shakey………. Shakey……. And the answer is: YES. Well that was pretty decisive. I guess I’ll be going. Will just have to make myself steer clear of the soul food. So off I got to the festival. Turns out to be a good decision all the old staff who worked at the station in 2004 decided to show up so we had a mini reunion!!! The show was very good with the highlight for me being the Dazz band. I love that band and never had the pleasure of seeing them live. They did a great job and so did the Bar Kays…a personal favorite since they recorded on my favorite label Stax Records. George Clinton took the stage and the band did their famous funkiness. Sir Nose was in rare form. The night was so much fun and it was so good to spend time with old friends.

Ain’t nothin’ but a jam y’all…