Local Snookie.........................

My friend Dave and I get together every Sunday afternoon for lunch, conversation, a bit of media gossip and to people watch. On this particular Sunday we chose a watering hole in a trendy suburb for our feast and cocktails. I just knew it was going to be particularly entertaining. I chose to sit on the upper deck of the building. Just as I sat down, the winds kicked up, the temperature dropped and it clouded up… a great breeze and a storm on the horizon. Perfect weather for the deck. I soon get a text from Dave: where r u woman? I responded ‘I’m here on the deck” and he said ‘So am I” to which I replied “no ur not” so it goes back and forth till finally my waitress volunteers to go downstairs to retrieve him. Geez!!!

We decided we would drink beer and watch the storm roll in and of course being media people…track it on TV radar via our cell phones. There is a storm cell headed directly for us but it doesn’t look strong enough to hold together. We order, watch and wait….dun dun dah.
Right in the middle of catching up these three twenty something girls show up and grab a table about 30 feet from us. OMG this might be good……or really bad……. Or both at the same time!!!

So Dave and I settle in. Next thing ya know we have the local version of Snookie on our hands. The crassness, the sadness, the please for the love of god pay attention to me-ness. Dave nicknames them the blow job girls. I ask him why and he says anyone that is that loud and is wanting that much attention clearly has daddy issues and girls that need that much attention usually will have a high number of blow jobs under their belt because of lack of self esteem. Huh…well there you have it. I have to admit he might be spot on about this girl.

So we eat our food and listen in….. The loud pay attention to me girl I have named “Local Snookie” is so loud that we can hear every word. Says “I have no idea but the only thing left was scotch so that must have been what I was drinking”…..nice. Now she starts on this whole diatribe about how much she drank. Which of course Dave goes……see……. 3 bj’s in one night.

Then of course he dares me to use my Magic 8 Ball phone app. He says “ I dare you to go ask her how many blow jobs she has given. And I am going OMG…. Not cool but I will ask….. Magic 8 Ball….. Shall I confront “local Snookie” regarding her BJ experience?

Shakey………….. Shakey…………..
Shakey…………..and the Answer is: Cannot Predict Now. Oh thank God……. I was not looking forward to getting into a fight with the loud mouth twenty somethings.Thank You Magic 8 Ball.

Dave and I proceed to tell the story to our waitress. Who proceeds to tell all the other waitresses and they start laughing….because they were thinking the same thing and couldn’t wait for them to leave.

On the way home, I tune into the local comedian network. The comedian, I never got his name, is talking about local girls who go to the local neighborhood bars and take pictures of themselves and their girlfriends drinking beer like they are on spring break in Mexico. All the while talking loud and being completely obnoxious. Which makes me think this comedian is somewhere on this deck as we speak. I feel sorry for “Local Snookie” but it was pretty damn good Sunday fodder.

Soul Food and Then Some..........

Every year the radio station that I used to work for hosts a Soul Food festival. This year the main act on the bill is George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelics. My best friend is a George Clinton fanatic and because of her I have seen him so many times I have stopped counting. It is a yearly event. So I guess I should put this one up to the Magic 8 Ball. Magic 8 Ball should I go to the Soul Food Festival and See George Clinton? Shakey……… Shakey………. Shakey……. And the answer is: YES. Well that was pretty decisive. I guess I’ll be going. Will just have to make myself steer clear of the soul food. So off I got to the festival. Turns out to be a good decision all the old staff who worked at the station in 2004 decided to show up so we had a mini reunion!!! The show was very good with the highlight for me being the Dazz band. I love that band and never had the pleasure of seeing them live. They did a great job and so did the Bar Kays…a personal favorite since they recorded on my favorite label Stax Records. George Clinton took the stage and the band did their famous funkiness. Sir Nose was in rare form. The night was so much fun and it was so good to spend time with old friends.

Ain’t nothin’ but a jam y’all…

The Mustard Incident.........

You have to love it. You just have to love it. Today is a day full of meetings at work. Usually during the summer I let my hair go au naturelle. I just get out of the shower scrunch it a bit and let the wavy curls take over. In fact I go to work with a wet head and let it dry over the first 20 minutes. But today was the exception. I am not sure why. I actually took the time to blow dry my hair straight. And normally its jeans and a t-shirt but today I decided to dress up a bit. I grabbed a hoodie just in case it got a bit to cold at my desk and I needed something to stay warm.

So I get to work get checked in and head off to the cafeteria for my morning Starbucks doubleshot and my smoked sausage link with mustard. While dispensing the mustard from the container it ends up everywhere except on my sausage. In other words all down the front of me. Are you kidding me???? I am now covered in mustard and look like a human hot dog bun!!! And I have meetings today!!!!!! Uck a doodle doo!!!!

Options. I need options. And Thank God for grabbing the hoodie when I left the apartment so I can throw that on and cover up the huge mustard stain that spans my entire stomach and chest area. But I smell like mustard! Hmmmmm..... I could run home for an early lunch and change clothes and I could see if the boyfriend would meet me and then and we could grab some afternoon delight! Sounds like a plan....... If the Magic 8 Ball approves of it.

Magic 8 Ball should I go home and change clothes and grab some afternoon delight? Magic 8 Ball says: YES
Now that's the kinda answer I likey!

First Impressionism...............

So the question that is up on the block for the Magic 8 Ball today is: Shall the boyfriend and I go see the Monet Water Lillies’ exhibit at the Art Museum tonight? Shakey……. Shakey………. Shakey……. And the Answer is: Cannot Predict Now. Ok then guess I shall have to put this off for a few hours and come back to it and ask the question in another way.
A few hours have passed and now it is time to ask the question another way. Shall the boyfriend and I go see the Monet Water Lillies' exhibit at the Art Museum this Thursday night? Shakey……. Shakey………. Shakey……. And the Answer is: Without a doubt. This is so good…. cause I really want to go and I think the boyfriend will enjoy it too. I talked to the boyfriend and he wants to go so we are on for Thursday!

So it’s Thursday and we go to the Art Gallery to see Monet’s Water Lillies’….all three panels together for the first time in thirty years. And it's incredible. They have couches strategically placed so you can sit and take it all in…the colors, the technique, the brilliance. It really is an amazing thing to see and this guy was awesome and maybe just a tad bit crazy…..never read up on him but to be that good you have to be a bit touched. But I digress….. So I am sitting there and I take my phone out and turn off the flash and take a picture. Just when I start to take a second picture a guard comes up and tells me we can’t take pictures of it. So I start to put my phone away and try to get one more shot.

I then go up to inspect the picture and Monet's signature closer. I lean in and take my glasses off to inspect his signature when the guard comes up to me again and says I have stepped over the line….what freggin’ line lady?

So I look down and see that the carpet ends and then you hit tile and I am standing on the tile and now apparently I have entered the museum danger zone. Really? What? Am I an Art Terrorist cause I want an up close look at his signature? Whatever…. I go back to the boyfriend who says that was my second strike and one more strike and I will be kicked out and banned from the Museum by the guard Nazis.

We decide we have seen enough and leave. Upon getting to the car I discover that I did get a second picture. I call it my impressionist photograph of one of the most significant impressionist paintings…….Monet’s Water Lillies’……… and you will find it in the upper right corner of this blog…..

To Sign On The Dotted Line..............

I know I have covered the topic of apartment life on here a few times in the short amount of time I have been blogging about my Magic 8 Ball life but I find it rearing its ugly head once again because I now am at a crossroads. I have to decide whether to renew my lease or find a new place to live.

There are some pluses to staying here. I do love my apartment. I have vaulted ceilings and one wall is completely glass so I get a lot light in the summer which I love… till the electric bill shows up. But I do love it in the winter because you get an enormous amount of light. I have a great balcony that I have turned into my own little Zen garden. The only part of this apartment I hate is the complex itself. The apartment is great… the people that run the complex are not and some of the tenants are just a little too questionable looking for my taste. But overall it could be lots worse. I am having a very hard time deciding so I guess it’s time to put it to the Magic 8 Ball.

Magic 8 Ball shall I renew my lease for this apartment? Shakey…….Shakey……… Shakey……… and the answer is “You May Rely On It”. Ok so it is decided. I have to say that I am secretly very happy. I was not looking forward to moving but if the 8 Ball had said I needed to move I would have started the process of looking.

So I will stay here and not pack up my little Zen garden so I can continue to have my meditation space and all my sunlight streaming in my windows …oh…and my high electric bill…still worth it. And I am sure my dog will appreciate not having to get used to another place. I will just have to deal with all the strange people and smells. Have I mentioned the smells before?

Car Alarms And The Golden Ghetto

I know I have said this before but I think it is worthy of restating. God I love living in an apartment. It’s just such a plethora of fun sometimes!
The smells, the creepy neighbors, the noise….OMG the noise!!!

On a Sunday night at about 10:30PM someone’s car alarm started going off in the parking lot. This is not good as it is right outside my bedroom window and I have to get up at 5am. So I guess it’s time to ask the Magic 8 Ball for help. Magic 8 Ball should I call the police to report this car alarm going off? Shakey Shakey Shakey…… It Is Certain. Ok…well I don’t like calling the police on neighbors but I like my sleep more so I guess I will make the call. Now it is 11PM the car alarm is STILL going off and my neighbor from downstairs has joined me in the hall to see what the heck the deal is.

The thing is I know who the car belongs to and I know what building he lives in but I don’t know what apartment he lives in. I don’t think it’s a good idea to go door to door by myself at 11 o’clock at night trying to find the owner cause you don’t want to get yelled at or raped or end up in little pieces in somebody’s refrigerator. My neighbor next door decided she would go with me. So off we went knocking on doors. At least the neighbors were nice about it. They could have been really mean and rude about someone knocking on their door at 11pm. God knows I would not be happy about it nor would I open my door if I had two guys standing outside it at 11pm.

Finally after knocking on 4 doors we found the owner of the car who came to the door with out his shirt on….....completely gross….....and he came out to fix the alarm right as the Police showed up to investigate the problem. The cop was not at all amused by the fact that we had managed to find the alarm perpetrator and that he showed up to call that was in essence solved. He did have some choice words for the man without the shirt. If it was me I would have scolded him about the alarm and then thrown in “and dude put on a shirt no one wants to look at that.” So I guess all is well again in my lovely little slice of heaven I like to call my apartment in the golden ghetto.

Signs Signs Everywhere Signs Or Not..........

In the movie Bruce Almighty the main character is having a really bad day and he asks God for a sign. He is driving in his car he passes one of those huge signs that the highway works folks post on the side of the road that says “Danger Ahead’. Some people are the type that trust in God and see and read the signs along the way while others think that sort of thing is a bunch of hog wash as they say here in the Midwest.

I am one of those people who see, read and do my best to try and interpret the signs that God gives me while along the way. The key to this lies in the interpretation of the signs. Some are easy to read while other make you scratch your head and just wonder. If synchronicity is involved you can bet you should be paying attention to it. This doesn’t mean you’ll ever figure out what it means.

On Sunday the boyfriend and I were going to get together for dinner. He was going to meet me at my place so I called him when I was heading home and he told me his car battery was dead and asked if I could swing by and jump start his car. It was not a problem and I was happy to help. A couple of days later, I was walking out the door of my apartment building on my way to work when my neighbor asked me if I could provide him with a jump start as his car had a dead battery. Now this has my attention………. being asked to jump start two cars over the span of 3 days….interesting coincidence and a sign worthy of my attention.

So the question is what the heck does it mean? Maybe I should ask the Magic 8 Ball if it is a sign. Magic 8 Ball is jump starting two cars over the span of three days a sign I should pay attention to? Shakey Shakey Shakey……….Magic 8 Ball answer: Signs Point To Yes. Well Duh!!! That is all fine and good but what the heck does it mean?
Maybe I should ask the Magic 8 Ball if I will figure out what the sign or meaning to jump starting two cars in three days is/was. I shall ask……Magic 8 Ball will I figure out what the sign/meaning of jump starting two cars in three days is? Shakey Shakey Shakey…… Magic 8 Ball answer: My Sources Say No. Ah… Well.... there you have it. God’s deep truth still goes unanswered…….ok maybe it’s not that deep.